At eight seconds past eight minutes past eight in the evening, central Chinese time, on the eighth of August, two thousand and eight, the Beijing Olympic Games get underway.
That’s 8:08:08 p.m. on 08/08/08 – so, by my count, only six eights. Two short of the lucky Chinese number. I can think of only one way this shortfall can be remedied: the Olympic committee gets Nena to sing an appropriately rewritten ‘88 Red Balloons’ during the opening ceremony. I’ve looked into it, and to my great disappointment they’ve gone with Celine Dion.
Ten and a half thousand athletes, competing in three hundred and two events, will descend upon the Chinese capital, each with dreams of gold and glory. Three hundred and thirteen of these will be from Great Britain. Statistically, this means we should get nine golds, all else being equal.
Of course, it doesn’t quite work that way, even though come September we might wish it did. The truth is Team Great Britain have got a difficult month ahead. There’s no Redgrave, who has guaranteed regular golds over the past two decades; there’s no Zara Phillips, our most recent world champion; and even such stalwarts as Paula Radcliffe are battling injury.
With things looking bleak, we need to build confidence in Team GB and their golden prospects, so here goes. But remember, although some of the following eight categories might not be top of your viewing charts, they all count on the medals table.
Sailing: Traditionally a strong area for Great Britain, the flotilla includes Ben Ainslie looking to win a third successive gold.
Cycling: One of the strongest squads out there, and probably the only area where we could be called favourites. The likes of Cavendish and Wiggins may sound like Dickensian apothecaries, but they sure can pedal pushbikes. There is also the new BMX class, the women’s section of which I am told almost guarantees us a gold. Apparently.
Rowing: Once again a traditionally strong area for Great Britain, this time the hope is that the women’s quadruple scull will win over the hearts of the nation.
Athletics: The flagship of any Olympic outfit, Team GB has an alright line-up here, and in spite of injuries you can never rule out a star performance coming through on the day. Besides, even if we don’t rack them up, the race between Bolt, Gay and Powell could well lead to a new world record in the 100m, which is always fun.
Shooting: World Champion, world record holder and former gold medallist Richard Faulds has a great chance of putting one on the board for Team GB. Sadly for him, it’s in clay pigeon shooting, so no one’s going to watch him do it.
Badminton: In spite of the Chinese home advantage in the opening tie, Team GB have a good track record and decent prospects in the event. In any case, Olympic badminton is always an entertaining spectator sport as it bears almost no resemblance to the sort of thing you may remember playing out on the front lawn of a summer’s evening.
Tennis: Not an obvious area of British expertise, but the Murray brothers have entered as a doubles pair and should at least deliver some decent shouting matches.
Diving: As far as I can tell, you know it’s a good dive if there’s no splash, so Britain have entered a child into the event. You’ve got to admire the logic, and what with Tom Daley being only fourteen years old this has all the ingredients of a fairytale story. Of course, the danger is he’ll just get bullied out of the swimming pool by bigger boys.
Obviously, and in spite of London on the horizon, the Olympics are not everyone’s cup of tea. Team GB has no way of competing with Teams USA, China, Russia, Australia et al and at times it all seems a bit futile. But with this much variety, and unlikely heroes like Eric the eel springing up from time to time, there’s usually enough to keep the armchair viewer entertained.
Last Olympics, Great Britain came tenth with 9 golds and a total of 30 medals. Frankly this time around, we’ll probably be thanking our lucky stars if we get 8 gold, 8 silver and 8 bronze.
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