Jemini sits on an unenviable plinth in the UK’s cultural history. In 2003, this pair of enthusiastic Liverpudlians were the first ever UK entry to score a spectacular nul points at the Eurovision Song Contest, with Cry Baby. Oh, we did.
In 2021, it was the cruel and unusual fate of James Newman to follow in their footsteps all the way to the bottom of the right hand side of the board with an equally non-existent score for Embers, the ensuing headlines writing themselves.
While these disasters coincided with the Iraq War and first Contest post-Brexit proper, against a background of expanding East European neighbourly voting and the usual historical mutual sympathies, it was all too easy for us to conclude that the rest of Europe* (*and Israel, and Australia) just didn’t like us.
The problem being, of course, that it’s impossible to tell whether this is true when what we put up for their delectation is so half-hearted. Can we really say that the rest of Europe were punishing us for Brexit when James Newman took to the stage as a decent songwriter but sadly under-trained performer? Could we really say Iraq was to blame when Jemini started in different keys and ended by singing different songs? Isn’t it more probable that our musical tastes have long since diverged to the point where we couldn’t come up with a winner if we tried? Or, most likely, the fact that we make zero effort doesn’t go down well in countries where the national competition to decide the Eurovision participant is taken as seriously as we take a World Cup qualifier.
Well, that could all be about to change with last week’s reveal that this year’s UK entry will be… Sam Ryder. Who?? Sorry, I hate to say it, but if you’re reading (or writing) this article in the Spectator, chances are you’re not young nor hip enough to know. Because young Sam, with his long eyelashes, even longer mane of hair, has made his star rise on TikTok where he has a more than respectable 12.1 million followers.
Not only that, but it’s fair to say that, while previous UK entries like Blue performed their song for the first time at the Contest’s dress rehearsal and jazz dance combo Electro Velvet clearly thought they were taking part in another competition altogether, both Sam and his writing team have thrown the kitchen fridge of collective pop effort at this one.
SPACE MAN is the creative effort, not just of Ryder but Grammy winner Amy Wadge who previously co-penned Ed Sheeran’s Thinking Out Loud, and Max Wolfgang (collaborator with John Legend and others).
With over 12 million followers and 100 million likes on TikTok, he is currently the most followed UK music artist on the platform.
Listen to this year’s entry, and you’ll hear hints of Måns Zelmerlöw’s Heroes – Sweden’s earworm 2015 winner – along with Sir Elton’s Rocketman and Tiny Dancer. Rock fans might think of Joan Jett with the guitar riffs while for the power balladeers amongst us, cough, there’s even a nod to Carly Simon’s Nobody Does it Better for the drop into the chorus.
At last we’re taking it seriously, channelling of the best of British pop music – one of our greatest soft powers – and paying Eurovision the trans-continental courtesy of caring that this post-Brexit age requires.
The high risk factor here, of course, is that, should the worst happen on 14 May and Sam Ryder joins Jemini and James Newman in receiving what we’ll just call a low right hand board position, we won’t be able to blame it on a bad tune, lack of effort or any of the above. It will be cold, hard proof that the rest of Europe does indeed dislike us, and I’m not sure what we’ll do then.
But this year, for the first in decades, we can at least say we tried. And everyone loves a trier.
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