How to blend your own beard oil

Every few months I take out a box of essential oils and carefully lay them out on my kitchen table, organising them in order from sweet-smelling to musty. On the left will be scents like juniper berry, lime, frankincense and bergamot; in the middle, woodish fragrances such as sandalwood and cedarwood; on the right, the darker stuff of patchouli and pine needle – and occasionally, when I’m feeling brave in my endeavour to make the perfect beard oil, lavender.

Next I fill several large vials with a mixture of carrier oils, usually almond, jojoba and argan (and normally with almond making up the bulk as it’s the cheapest). I then begin mixing in various essential oils: a dash here, a dash there. There’s no science to my method, just free-pouring and nose work, as I bob around like some sort of Willy Wonka-style perfumier.

I make some vials sweeter and others darker, even broodier. My mood in the morning – and often the weather – will dictate which vial gets used. Virtually all contain cedarwood and lime: two ingredients I consider vital.

I’ve had a large beard for a decade now – ever since I could grow one properly when I was about 20. My fiancée hasn’t seen me beardless in the eight years we’ve been together. (That’s probably no bad thing – a beard is a convenient way of covering up a double chin.) And I’m not alone: an increasing number of Brits sport facial hair. The most recent research shows 18 per cent of men with full beards, up seven percentage points in five years.

But the trouble with beards is that they get itchy. Two colleagues in the Spectator offices have recently grown them (no doubt largely inspired by me) and both have complained of itchiness.