Four Chancellors, three Prime Ministers, two monarchs – one hell of a year. We said that it would be difficult to top the Covid craziness of 2021: we were wrong. Partygate, Pinchergate, porngate, beergate, queuegate – the greatest hits kept on coming as Boris Johnson was washed away in a sea of sleaze and scandal. Next up was Liz Truss’s 49-day interregnum, an inglorious experiment that did more to damage the cause of free markets than 100 years of Marxist dogma. And now, finally, we have Rishi Sunak, a living monument to social mobility as the UK’s first Asian premier, and more importantly, its first Wykehamist Prime Minister since 1834. Truly, what an underdog.
It wasn’t all just Tory psycho-drama of course. Keir Starmer and Ed Davey, those captains of charisma, made gains at the Conservatives’ expense, with polls now predicting Labour to win a Pyongyang-style majority. Nicola Sturgeon’s Supreme Court crusade came (predictably) to nought as did Matt Hancock’s jungle jamboree. Abroad, Putin proved the follies of working from home as he launched a doomed invasion of Ukraine after months in Covid isolation. In America, the dilettante Duke and Duchess of Sussex did their best to eke out another season in their royal soap opera. And the world mourned the late Queen and admired the bravery of Iran’s protestors.
A year then, of the mad, bad and the sad. And to mark those personalities who make British politics what it is, Mr S has compiled a bakers’ dozen of those who have found themselves all too often in his crosshairs. Drumroll please; obsequious shows of admiration at the ready – step forth the 13 winners of this year’s 2022 Steerpike awards…
Hypocrite of the year: A tricky one this year with so much cant, sanctimony and pretence around. Ultimately though this one comes down to a two-horse race between two media ‘personalities’ who tried to make hay out of the World Cup. Narrowly missing out is Joe Lycett, who, having tried to upstage Laura Kuenssberg’s new show in September, spent the rest of the year hounding David Beckham for promoting Qatar. Photos of Lycett subsequently emerged showing him performing in the Middle Eastern country. Whoops! But there can only be one winner and that goes to Gary Neville for taking the regime’s own money despite his Labour-loving grandstanding.
Kamikaze of the year: How ironic that the woman who spent so much of 2022 trying to get ‘legal but harmful’ online content banned, should spread so much of it on social media. Step forward Nadine Dorries, the Yukio Seki of the Conservative party whose repeated attacks on Liz Truss and Rishi Sunak were a staple of Tory Twitter this year. Mr S eagerly awaits her forthcoming book on the ‘political assassination of Boris Johnson…
The Russia Today award for fake news: This award is a real fans’ favourite, with so much misinformation out there to choose from. Ersatz entertainer Nish Kumar looked to be odds-on favourite at one point, given his forced apology to Brendan Clarke-Smith. Newly-knighted Chris Bryant was another, after suggesting Nigel Farage had received more than half-a-million pounds from the Russian state broadcaster (he hasn’t). But for their consistent lack of quality, there can only be one winner. Step forward the New York Times and its bizarre Brit-bashing editors.
Soothsayer of the year: Congratulations Nadhim Zahawi. The man who could do no wrong in 2021, seemingly got nothing right in 2022. Among his more unfortunate decisions included accepting the Treasury in July, only to turn on Boris Johnson within 36 hours, and to then urge Johnson’s return back to No. 10 in October. He even published a Telegraph piece to make the case for Boris just, er, minutes after the latter had pulled out. Any tips for 2023, Nadhim?
The Ian Paisley award for community cohesion: An honorary overseas mention has to go to Trevor Noah for inventing a ‘backlash’ to Sunak becoming PM. But taking home the gong is suspended Labour MP Rupa Huq for saying that Kwasi Kwarteng was only ‘superficially’ black. Nice.
Hacker of the year: There are plenty of technophobes in SW1 but only one winner. And – despite a late effort from the dogecoin-promoting Twitter account of Gillian Keegan – it has to go to Neil Parish who claimed to be searching for tractors when he accidentally stumbled on a porn site in the House of Commons. Parish’s predilection prompted a major sleaze row, his inevitable resignation and the Tories losing a seat with a 24,000-majority, hastening the end of Boris Johnson’s premiership. All that for a combine harvester?
The Keith Vaz award for shamelessness: It can only be Matt Hancock, whose 2022 shenanigans prompted that rarest of all things – a decent Keir Starmer quote. The Labour leader remarked that his I’m a Celebrity appearance was ‘a rare case of him eating bollocks rather than talking them.’
Defector of the year: Westminster is famously a nest of vipers with double-crossing backstabbers everywhere you look. Honourable mentions for this accolade go to Christian Wakeford for literally crossing the floor in January and Labour MP Barry Gardiner for employing the son of a suspected Chinese spy. But Robert Buckland – Llanelli’s answer to Kim Philby – trumps the pair by becoming the first cabinet minister to switch in the (first) leadership race of the year, defecting from Sunak to Truss. His reward? An extra 49 days as Welsh Secretary before being dumped unceremoniously on the backbenches.
Mandarin of the year: Sir Philip Barton clings on at the Foreign Office but this year his crown has been taken by someone whose public disgrace was even more spectacular. Martin Reynolds was a staple feature of Sue Gray’s ‘Partygate’ probe, being mentioned 24 times in her report, attending many of the 16 events examined and helping to organise at least two of them. Still, Boris Johnson’s former principal private secretary shouldn’t despair: a plum diplomatic posting for ‘Party Marty’ is reportedly still in the offing. Trebles all round!
The Schillings award for privacy: They like to see themselves as trailblazers and now Meghan and Harry really have made history: they have won back-to-back Steerpike awards for the first time in history. It’s been another year of blameless, hermit-like existence for the reclusive couple. Nothing of any note has happened and the princely pair rarely break their Trappist vow of silence. Let’s hope we hear more of them in 2023.
The Neil Ferguson award for serial failure: It’s been a pretty poor for the leading lights of the Remainiac brigade. Gina Miller was a contender after just 13 people turned up to the launch of her new party; so too was Jolyon Maugham after losing a smorgasbord of cases. But in the end Mr S felt that he better give the gong to Eddie Izzard after the comedian lost (again) in their ongoing battle to be elected as a Labour representative.
Iron Lady of the year: With taxes at a 70-year high, none of the Tory party deserve it this year. So step forward instead Molly-Mae Hague, the unlikely star of Love Island and free-marketeers. Her paean to the virtues of wealth creation was the most Thatcherite speech we heard all year.
(Night) Mayor of the year: One day you’re the ‘King of the North’, the next you’re a punchline at lobby drinks. Starmer’s surge has left Andy Burnham in the cold – at least that means he will have more time to reply to people being mean about him on Twitter.
Steerpike thanks his readers for all their tips, suggestions and musings this past year, and here’s to more merriment in 2023!
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