Your Problems Solved | 16 November 2002

Dear Mary…

Q. During lunch at the house of some friends of my parents, I was put between two boys from Bryanston who talked across me through each course as though I didn’t exist. I did not take their rudeness personally – in fact, I was quite sleepy that day and would have been quite happy to drift off into a personal reverie had not their voices been quite so loud. What should I have done to remind them to mind their manners?
M.G., Fosbury, Wiltshire

A. Wearing a kindly expression on your face, as though dealing with the disabled, you should simply have stood up and moved along one place. Standing behind the offender on your right, you could have said, ‘Please, do change places with me and then you can talk to each other without my being in the way.’ In this way, you would have brought them up sharp.

Q. This week I am due to attend a theatrical performance in a small, semi-private theatre in London’s West End. I happen to know that most of the audience will be of a certain social rank: e.g., people who are interested in the conservation of stately homes and who almost certainly attended the Countryside March. I cannot help feeling that the event will present an almost irresistible opportunity to some of the powers that currently be to emulate the Russian government’s move in coping with the recent Chechen rebel-style incursion into a Moscow theatre, and deal with a whole tranche of ‘undesirables’ at one fell swoop. How can I assuage my almost certainly irrational fears so that I can enjoy the performance?
S.T., Chirton, Wiltshire

A. Since many members of the audience at the theatrical performance you refer to will be hailing from stately homes themselves, there is no reason why you should not spread the word that it might be an idea to make a trip into their attic area before visiting the theatre.