Q. I have just moved into a sizeable townhouse which also comprises a separately owned basement flat (occupied by a young family). The entrance to the flat is set half-below street/garden level round the side of our property and down some steps at the back. The house has not been occupied for several months and it would appear that the family in the basement flat had taken to using the garden during this period. The garden is unoccupied during the day as we are at work and belongs solely to the house. (The family below know this.) However, the family’s two young children continue to use the garden when we are out. Yesterday I was outside and the husband simply opened the gate, walked in, and politely asked if we would allow his children to use the garden during the summer holidays. In an attempt to buy some time, I said I would ask my housemates, who are due to move in this weekend. We value our privacy and do not want to share our garden. How can I decline this awkward request (and discourage future uninvited intrusions) without appearing selfish or creating hard feelings?
T.S., London SE5
A. Preserve your privacy at the same time as your humanity by confiding that opinion is divided upstairs. Half of you are very much against the favour being granted (do not identify the antis). The other half would like to see the children happy. Therefore, as long as all evidence of the children and their activities are gone from the garden by five p.m. on weekdays, you will turn a blind eye. With this tactic you will curry favour with the neighbours but can clamp down immediately if the agreement is breached — blaming the anonymous antis. In that case the basement family will be the ones to feel guilty rather than you.
Q. The first week our new cleaning lady came she brought some eggs from her own free-range hens which we all agreed were delicious and we thanked her very sincerely. Our problem is that, eight weeks in, she is still bringing us the eggs, twice a week, and we really do not want to a) take that number of eggs off her — she refuses to accept money; or, b) consume that many eggs per week. How can we tactfully get her to stop this misplaced generosity?
Name and address withheld
A. Break the impasse by announcing that her eggs have been so popular with friends you would now like to buy a dozen per week from her for redistribution purposes. Then say, ‘You must not give us any more eggs for ourselves because we don’t want any to go to waste and we never know when we will see our friends.’ In this way your cleaning lady can have deserved financial reward for her efforts.
Q. At the not particularly old age of 52 I am suddenly feeling rather clapped out and past it. I am not bald or fat or ill but I have realised I am becoming demoralised by the lack of anyone, other than Paxman, on the television older than myself. What can I do Mary?
G.W., Wiltshire
A. Why not take a holiday in Madeira? The sun will do you good but more to the point you will be surrounded by people not just one, but often two generations, older than yourself. This will do wonders in boosting your self-esteem and sense of proportion.
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