Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 27 June 2009

Monday

I don’t get it. One minute Labour MPs are trying to get Little Johnnie Bercow elected and then all today’s papers say what a scandal it is that they are trying to fix it for Margaret Beckett. But why would Brown want Old Ma Beckett? He hates her. It doesn’t make any sense. Jed says it is because Labour are ‘clever bastards’ and have ‘got us stitched up like kippers’. Poppy says it is ‘high politics’ in that imperious tone she always takes with me whenever I don’t completely understand something. All I’m asking for is an explanation of why Labour would pretend to … oh, hang on, I think I get it. They’re pretending to want Beckett to ruin her chances. But if that’s the case, why on earth haven’t we been briefing that we want Bercow and then Labour wouldn’t want him any more? Told Jed this and he went all funny and started kicking the desk and swearing. Poppy said: ‘Out of the mouths of babes! Is there time?’ But Jed just went on kicking things. I’m going to the pub with Tom to wait for the results. If it’s as bad as we fear, I may be incommunicado till tomorrow.

Tuesday

Hangover from hell. Only just made the morning briefing. Got there in time to hear The Line: Of course we must make it work. J.B. is the new Speaker and we must make the best of it by showing him the utmost respect at all times. We must also work as hard as we can to make sure that this opportunistic, divisive and colossally egotistical figure does not make a complete and utter fool of himself. Which, no doubt, he will when he starts reading out the title of ten-minute-rule bills like he’s delivering the battle of Agincourt speech from Henry V.