Q. A kind villager gave us a jolly circular tin of sweets for Christmas. We are both overweight and would normally have no compunction in simply re-gifting such a present, but unfortunately the ingredients listed are almost exclusively ultra-processed. I therefore feel that any potential recipients might be insulted by our giving it to them as all our friends know we would not dream of eating the sweets ourselves. What should we do, Mary?
– M.N., Burford, Oxfordshire
A. Make the regifting impersonal by donating it to the food bank at your local supermarket.
Q. My boyfriend’s hair is often fluffy at parties. I’ve told him not to wash it before important events, but he does it anyway. He’s normally very attractive, but on day one of a hair wash he sports a voluminous, girly bouffant – it’s very infuriating. Any suggestions?
– F.W., London W11
A. Rush towards your boyfriend with open arms and, in the guise of an affectionate caress, pull him in for a kiss while simultaneously stroking each side of his head. The natural oils from your hands, perhaps boosted with a slick of hair gel, will quickly diffuse the fluffiness and you will have smoothed his hair down by the time you have withdrawn from the clinch. He will be none the wiser.
Q. For professional reasons it is essential for me to be on Instagram (I need to post about my own products as well as keeping up with rivals). My problem is that I am not technologically up to date. On more than one occasion I have mistakenly posted an unflattering photograph of myself, looking moronically down at the camera, with a double chin and my mouth open. I live in particular dread of posting a nude photograph of myself – I am taking these for the purpose of monitoring weight loss. It is not practically possible for me to subcontract the chore to someone younger, so how can I continue to use Instagram without having a small heart attack every time I open the app?
– Name and address withheld
A. Your ambition is simple to achieve. First learn to put all your nudes into the ‘hidden’ folder. Do this by pressing the three small dots on the top right corner of any private photos, and selecting ‘hide’. Instagram now can’t access them unless you undo this feature. Second, on your iPhone, select ‘settings’, scroll down to ‘apps’, choose ‘Instagram’, and make sure access is turned off in the photos and camera tabs. Now when you accidentally bring your camera up when using Instagram, your face won’t appear, but a blank screen asking for permission to access your photos. Just say no.
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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