Soon, we will have to show vaccine passports to pass through covid checkpoints placed outside workplaces, football grounds, theatres and pubs. Until recently, we only needed to flash a passport when we entered a foreign country. Now, it seems, that the outside world will become foreign to us, unless we can prove that we’ve had the jab.
When we leave the house, it will feel like we’re going on a little adventure. Will we be stopped? Has my lateral flow test result registered on my app? Will we all get into the pub? Vaccine checks might add some spice to a Friday night pub crawl. Will some of our mates be exposed as vaccine renegades and ordered onto the street by covid bouncers? Will drug dealers develop a lucrative trade selling negative saliva swabs to youngsters queueing to get into night clubs? ‘Sorry mate, your name’s not on the list’ will be replaced by ’That looks like a dodgy NHS number to me’.
Perhaps the vaccine passport could be expanded to become a general ‘safety app’. We could take twice weekly tests for colds and flu and flash our ‘infectious disease status’ to friends before we risk shaking hands, kiss or embrace. The app could record our cholesterol levels and present our ‘heart disease risk level’, so that our friends can avoid buying a dangerous round of drinks. Waiters could scan everyone’s apps and provide low-cholesterol menus to those at risk and suggest ‘healthier options’ to those who mistakenly try to order a pudding . Young people could undergo regular STD checks and gonorreah marshals could check their status before they go into bars. Couples could carry out criminal record searches on each other to ensure that they are not flirting with someone unsavoury. If