A letter to… The Guardian’s sanctimonious letter writer

This one is priceless, believe me. Truly priceless. For a long time now I’ve been buying The Guardian for its unintentional hilarity. Not just the columnists, but even more so the letters pages. This is from their fatuous Saturday family section: yes, it is a minor miracle that such a reactionary receptacle still exists at The Guardian. This is an anonymous letter from a reader saying something they’ve always wanted to say – they have one every week. If you have the time read it all – because it tells you what these people are really like underneath. These tolerant, caring, liberals. If you can get to the part about the father in law going to his car boot without either laughing hysterically or looking just plain aghast, then I would be surprised. If you can get to the end without thinking it’s maybe a clever Craig Brown parody – which, for the sake of humankind, I sort of hope it is – then you yourself may be on the slippery slope to what is, I think, a profound and dangerous mental illness.

Anyway, read and enjoy…

“I’ve heard in-law relationships can be the most tense and fraught. I can well believe that, and not because of any envy or resentment I feel when you walk into my home and motion me out of the way to spend time with your grandchildren – I love that you love them as dearly as you do. My husband would not be the wonderful man he is were it not for your dedication and commitment to raising him to be kind, thoughtful and generous.

But I cannot abide your smoking.

I’ve battled with how to deal with this. I’ve asked you not to smoke in our home, or on the doorstep with the door open, or out of the window, or before you are going to climb into the car next to me.