At least Santa will arrive before Hermes

I took advantage of Google and NORAD’s ‘Santa tracking app’ to find out when my presents would be delivered. It says that my gifts should arrive in eight hours. Fine, I’m happy with that. Better than Hermes. But I notice three things. First, Google seems of the opinion that Santa is either a man or a woman, contrary to traditional thinking. There is an image of a woman Santa and a man Santa together. And yet, in the sleigh itself, there is no trace of the woman. Is she at home cooking mince pies? How recherche is that? I also notice that while Santa is allowed to be a woman, she is not allowed to be black or asian. Only whites allowed: isn’t that racist on the part of Google? I also notice that at the time I accessed the app, Santa was delivering parcels to people in Lahore and Karachi: is that not a grave insult to Islam?

Happy Christmas, all of you. And let us work hard, this coming year, to develop a new weapon which will expunge from the world Google, Facebook and every other virtue-signalling corporate whore who hoves into view.