Brought to book

In Competition No. 3005 you were invited to take your inspiration from Anthony Lane’s terrific ‘The Book of Jeremy Corbyn’, an account of the general election that ran recently in the New Yorker and was shared widely on social media: ‘And there came from the same country a prophet, whose name was Jeremy. His beard was as the pelt of beasts, and his raiments were not of the finest. And he cried aloud in the wilderness and said, Behold, I bring you hope.’ You were asked to flesh out the story with a version of either ‘The Book of Boris’, ‘The Book of Theresa’, ‘The Book of Tim’ or ‘The Book of Nicola’.
 
Cod-biblical can be tricky to pull off but you appeared to relish the challenge. Commendations to Sid Field and Nicholas Stone, and £25 each to those printed below. The bonus fiver is awarded to Frank McDonald.
 

But when Nicola in the conceit of her soul proclaimed herself the light, then verily did the Lord cast her down into lamentation. For a slave arrived with news and Nicola said: ‘How went the matter?’ Then with much sorrow he replied that Angus and Alec were slain, cast down from their high places. Whereupon Nicola groaned a great groan and cried:
 
‘How are the mighty fallen! Tell it not in Kent, publish it not in Birmingham lest the sons of the Sassenach rejoice. Ye mountains of the Highlands let there be no dew, for Alec my counsellor, my beloved has gone. Lovely they were, Angus and Alec, fierce in their fondness for the heather and the kilt. I am much distressed for thee, brother Alec and thee brother Angus, but there must be no concession till the proud usurper hear my voice and let my people go.’
Frank McDonald
 
Now Hubert the priest arose with his wife Zaidee and daughter Theresa and moved to the alien pastures of Oxfordshire.