Clerihews on scientists

In Competition No. 3219, you were invited to supply clerihews on well-known scientists, past and present.

The subject of the first ever clerihew — a pseudo-biographical quatrain, AABB, playful in tone, metrically clunky — which was written, for fun, in about 1890 by schoolboy E.C. Bentley (and illustrated by his chum G.K. Chesterton) was a scientist:

Sir Humphry Davy Abominated gravy. He lived in the odium Of having discovered sodium.

But it was all downhill from there, it seems. In his introduction to The Complete Clerihews of E.Clerihew Bentley, the poet Gavin Ewart contends that ‘nobody much except Bentley has ever written really good clerihews’. Even literary giant W.H. Auden, he says, doesn’t quite cut the mustard.

That didn’t put you off, though, and in a large and spirited entry honourable mentions go to Barbara Knight, John Maddicott, David Shields, Nicholas Stone, Philip Wilson, G.N. Crockford, P.T. Brown, Iain Morley, Max Gutmann and Rachael Churchill. The winners, printed below, pocket £9 each.

Brian Cox Rocks. When he talks of quark and quantum I want ’em. George Simmers

Erwin Schrödinger Doesn’t mean to be a woe bringer To the world’s feline population, But his thought experiment occasions consternation. Chris O’Carroll

Enrico Fermi Does rather scare me, For he was the Father of the Atomic Bomb. Tiddley-POM. Frank Upton

Alfred Nobel Invented substances that blew people to Hell, Then endowed six major prizes. Maybe seven Would have got him into Heaven. Basil Ransome-Davies

The young Marie Curie Reacted with fury When they said don’t worry your pretty little cranium About uranium David Silverman

Alan Turing Spent years enduring Unrelated abuse for achievements which should Have earned him a knighthood. Martin Parker

Archimedes of Syracuse Ran from the bath with his news. Eureka! The first streaker. Nicholas Hodgson

Alexander Bell Could never have imagined the hell His invention would lead to. Who could foretell That countless millions would end up living in a cell? Brian Allgar

Hedy Lamarr Was a Hollywood star Whose movies I recently rented To watch on the wifi she sort of invented. Robert Schechter

Einstein Always drank beer from a fine stein; He thought it the sign of an ass To drink beer from a glass. Carolyn