In Competition No. 3219, you were invited to supply clerihews on well-known scientists, past and present.
The subject of the first ever clerihew — a pseudo-biographical quatrain, AABB, playful in tone, metrically clunky — which was written, for fun, in about 1890 by schoolboy E.C. Bentley (and illustrated by his chum G.K. Chesterton) was a scientist:
Sir Humphry Davy Abominated gravy. He lived in the odium Of having discovered sodium.
But it was all downhill from there, it seems. In his introduction to The Complete Clerihews of E.Clerihew Bentley, the poet Gavin Ewart contends that ‘nobody much except Bentley has ever written really good clerihews’. Even literary giant W.H. Auden, he says, doesn’t quite cut the mustard.
That didn’t put you off, though, and in a large and spirited entry honourable mentions go to Barbara Knight, John Maddicott, David Shields, Nicholas Stone, Philip Wilson, G.N. Crockford, P.T. Brown, Iain Morley, Max Gutmann and Rachael Churchill. The winners, printed below, pocket £9 each.
Brian Cox Rocks. When he talks of quark and quantum I want ’em. George Simmers
Erwin Schrödinger Doesn’t mean to be a woe bringer To the world’s feline population, But his thought experiment occasions consternation. Chris O’Carroll
Enrico Fermi Does rather scare me, For he was the Father of the Atomic Bomb. Tiddley-POM. Frank Upton
Alfred Nobel Invented substances that blew people to Hell, Then endowed six major prizes. Maybe seven Would have got him into Heaven. Basil Ransome-Davies
The young Marie Curie Reacted with fury When they said don’t worry your pretty little cranium About uranium David Silverman
Alan Turing Spent years enduring Unrelated abuse for achievements which should Have earned him a knighthood. Martin Parker
Archimedes of Syracuse Ran from the bath with his news. Eureka! The first streaker. Nicholas Hodgson
Alexander Bell Could never have imagined the hell His invention would lead to. Who could foretell That countless millions would end up living in a cell? Brian Allgar
Hedy Lamarr Was a Hollywood star Whose movies I recently rented To watch on the wifi she sort of invented. Robert Schechter
Einstein Always drank beer from a fine stein; He thought it the sign of an ass To drink beer from a glass. Carolyn Beckingham
Alexander Fleming Made a great discovery, stemming From a mouldy dish, which made the future cheerier For all of us — except, of course, for the bacteria. Sylvia Fairley
Tim Berners-Lee Has a posh degree And has connected every pleb On the www. Bill Greenwell
Ptolemy Placed all o’ you and all o’ me At the centre of all of it. He was off by a bit. Francis Harry
John Logie Baird Dared, Despite widespread derision, To invent the television. Hugh King
Ada Lovelace Gave symbolic logic a poetic face But took mathematics from her mother, rather Than her father. Ann Drysdale
Sir Francis Bacon Said evidence shows if a theory’s mistaken; Bear that in mind when somebody says He wrote plays. W.J. Webster
Georg Ohm Finally left his Bavarian home At his Mum’s insistence… When he showed resistance. C. Paul Evans
No. 3222: group think
You are invited to supply a dystopian short story that incorporates as many collective nouns for animals or birds as possible. Please email entries (maximum 150 words; please italicise collective nouns) to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 20 October.
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