Tanya Gold Tanya Gold

Cold foam and spindly legs

At Bibendum, the Michelin Man's image is everywhere, on china, silver and glass

Bibendum is a hushed restaurant on the first floor of the Michelin House on the Fulham Road. (Bibendum is the name of the Michelin Man; as such, he is the only restaurant mascot I can think of who is a morbidly obese drunk, and here of all places. It is a noble gesture in a district full of Prada and control). The building is extraordinary — an art-deco whim standing on a corner like Cinema Paradiso without the dreams. It was once the headquarters of the Michelin tyre company; as such, I admire the ambition of placing a tyre company in what is essentially a Venetian palace, but perhaps tyres were considered special then. In the Congo, for instance, rubber took a lot of people with it.

Inside, on the ground floor, there is a Conran shop selling ludicrous gifts as a joke on the credulous rich, who shop here to be trolled by their own wealth and idiocy: a wooden tool box is on sale for £5,995 (including tools), for some future dystopia in which all the handymen have died, or for Patrick Bateman. A book about watches is £595. (There are no contingency plans for making watches). There is also a seafood restaurant which I remember, on a blazing day, as a collection of spindly legs under yowling blonde faces, all surrounded by images of past Grands Prix in tile — but I have never liked Fulham. In compensation for not being Chelsea, it behaves worse than any district in the town.

Upstairs is Bibendum, in the manner of a business-class lounge sitting on a Chicken Cottage. It has a famous new chef, Claude Bosi, formerly patron chef of the two-Michelin-star Hibiscus in Mayfair, where among other things he demonstrated molecular gastronomy by freeze-drying cabbage.

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