Competition | 20 June 2009

Lucy Vickery presents the latest competition

In Competition No. 2600 you were invited to submit a poem containing the first or last line ‘Whenever you see a rhinoceros’.

Inspiration for this comp came from Philip.mortimer (who signed himself with an email address only), who sent me a copy of a letter from Richard Jebb to the widowed American intellectual and socialite Carrie Slemmer, whom he later married. In it Jebb describes a dinner at which Robert Browning is a guest: ‘We were talking of English words that had no rhymes, and after instancing: silver, month, depth and false, Mr Browning asked for a rhyme to rhinoceros, which he presently supplied himself as follows: “Whenever you see a rhinoceros,/ If a tree be in sight, /Climb quick, for his might/ Is a match for the gods, he would toss Eros!”’

You rose to the challenge admirably. Worthy of special mention are Juliet Walker, Susan McLean and Katie Mallett. Top dog this week is Mary Holtby, who gets the extra fiver. The other winners, printed below, are rewarded with £20 apiece.

Whenever you see a rhinoceros
Don’t shudder and gasp and recoil;
This curious beast isn’t fierce in the least
But a lovable son of the soil.
You may think that his looks are preposterous,
Repulsively wrinkled his skin,
And you tend to suppose that the horn on his nose
Is a clue to the creature within;

But in fact that remarkable ungulate
Is courteous and clever and kind;
He’s a principled guy who would not hurt a fly
And is keen on the life of the mind.
He’s acquainted with art and philosophy,
Has views on original Sin:
Why not offer a date for a formal debate
And invite fellow-falterers in?
Mary Holtby

The rhino, as many would postulate,
Is a twin-horned delight, an adorable sight
Who, in spite of his might, is demure and polite
With a mouth that invites us to osculate!

Enwrapped in his leathery armour,
He trundles about through downpour and drought
To grub and to grout at whatever might sprout,
He’s an out-and-out champion charmer.