Competition: After Max

In Competition No. 2728 you were asked to provide a parody, with a Christmas connection, of a living British writer with an international reputation.

The assignment invited you to follow in the mighty footsteps of Max Beerbohm, whose talent for parody few have matched. His A Christmas Garland, whose centenary falls this year, is considered one of the finest collections of parodies ever written in English, and on its publication reviewers agreed that not only had he captured the styles of his subjects but appeared to have gained ‘temporary loan of their minds’ too.

A tough act to follow, then. Derek Morgan, G.M. Davis, David Mackie, Shirley Curran and Chris O’Carroll impressed, but first prize goes to Alan Millard. His fellow winners get £25 each.

‘So what do we have?’ said Waxforth, unbuttoning his jacket and patting his paunch.   
Detective Inspector Boredom straightened his tie. ‘Nothing much,’ he said, ‘signs of a break-in, blood in the hearth but no body.’
‘And this?’ said Waxforth, scooping up a black deposit from the carpet. ‘Here, sniff it, Mick!?’
Boredom, who prided himself on his prim appearance, was shying away when Mrs Groper appeared with the tea. ‘The doors and windows were locked,’ she insisted.
Waxforth, intrigued by the blood, looked up at Boredom. ‘Rather pale, don’t you think, Mick? Forensics will know but to me it smells like sherry.’
‘Will whoever it was return?’ asked Mrs Groper.
‘Not this year,’ smiled Waxforth, ‘Soot on the carpet, sherry in the hearth and no means of access apart from the chimney. I think the case is wrapped up. Come along Boredom! The Kingsmockem Arms should still be open.’  
Alan Millard/Ruth Rendell


Dec 24th
Up most of last night following a troublesome encounter with a chicken biryani at an establishment recommended by P.,