There’s something about Chris.
There’s something about Chris. Don’t know what it is. But his Radio Two breakfast show is so bright, so bouncy, so full of bonhomie, it’s irresistible. I just can’t turn it off — even though I know Evan and Jim are waiting patiently on the other side. By the weekend I was wondering how I’d cope without that blast of high-octane energy to wake me up. Yes, I’m going to have to admit it. I’m a Cog — and proud of it.
He’s not, it’s true, blessed with Sir Terry’s smooth, seductive voice. It’s actually a bit hoarse and grating, and the decibel level is far too high for first thing in the morning when it’s still pitch-dark beyond the bathroom window. He never stops talking, rushing onwards from trifle to trifle and, crime of all crimes, butting in when the music’s still playing. So far, too, his playlist has been ultra-safe, guaranteed not to fluster the Togs. It’s veered from the horrors of ‘Copacabana’ to the embarrassment of reminding us that we once liked Simply Red. But even hearing the Monkees this morning didn’t propel me straight to the ‘off’ button.
Our Chris is a chatterer, a gossip, a non-stop firecracker of disconnected thoughts. You might well think, who needs that first thing in the morning? Yet as he bounces along, one minute daring to chat to a just-awake eight-year-old about his day at a ‘Victorian school’ (Chris brilliantly switched off those extra decibels, as if he were bending down to talk to the obviously overwhelmed kid), and the next, without missing a beat, asking a shepherdess in Shap the name of her three-legged sheepdog, you feel yourself being inexorably drawn in. What on earth is he going to say next?
For sheer professionalism I’d give him (and his team) a nine and a half out of ten. His timing is perfect, and whoever made the decision to team him up with Moira Stuart is a genius. Listening to her plummy voice reading the News is like finding the fruit in a box of crunchy cereal. The missing half a point is because there are far too many novelty slots, from the ‘first time you’ve ever done it’ item aimed at children to the ‘either/or’ competition. It’s as if the production team were worried Chris would run out of steam after an hour or so and wanted to make sure there would be enough variety to appeal to as many listeners as possible. With luck they’ll tone it down after a few weeks and focus on getting the Mystery Guest item right.
Every day Chris is confronted with an unexpected guest, whom he has to interview, off the cuff, for three minutes. Last week he veered from the ridiculous to the sublime, one day talking to the director of the British Toilet Association and the next to the man in charge of the Royal Navy. At first when they announced the First Sea Lord, Admiral Sir Mark Stanhope, I thought it must be a joke, Kenny Everett-style. But quick as a flash, Chris jumped straight in. ‘Good morning, Sir. How are you? So if you had to choose: ship or submarine?’ Priceless.
He’s also refreshingly honest and self-deprecating, knowing how hard it’s going to be for him to keep Sir Terry’s eight million listeners and maybe to add a few more. He wonders how long it will be before he runs out of Beatles’ tracks to start off the week on Monday mornings, and as if that makes him think about whether he’ll still be hosting the show in a year he mutters ‘hopefully’, just loud enough for us to hear. It touches a chord. He’s feeling vulnerable.
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