Q. I am on my gap year and looking for work as a tutor, which I understand is very well paid. The key months for Common Entrance, AS- and A-level revision are almost upon us and, although I have my details up on the noticeboards of various local schools, I have had no inquiries. I can’t afford to advertise and I do not want to sign up with an agency because I don’t want to give up half my wages on commission. Can you recommend an internet site where I can tout myself?
B.W., London SW3
A. No. The following method will reap better results. Have some photo-cards printed up and, crucially, glued to flat magnetic disks as used in sewing — available from Peter Jones’s haberdashery department. Hand these out in the car-parks of the local schools as the mothers are arriving in their 4x4s. Not only will the flibbertigibbets then be able to mount your magnetic card on their fridges rather than losing it, but they will also have a chance to clap eyes on you and see if they like the cut of your gib. Warn the mothers not to put the cards in their wallets where they might distort the magnetic strips on credit cards and you can be assured they will find their way to the rightful surface, where your face can leer out as a constant reminder to them to get their acts together.
Q. My husband went to a fashionable dinner party in London last week and ate mutton there. It was apparently a great success and I would like to have a go at giving mutton to my own guests, but none of my local butchers can supply it. Can you help, Mary?
C.S.,
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