Q. I recently met an old friend I had not seen for some years. Answering his question about my meeting with a certain film star, I mentioned cosmetic surgery, in a disparaging tone. He seemed confused rather than amused, and after we parted it dawned on me that perhaps he too had ‘had work done’. How can I apologise for something I might not have done, regarding something he might not have done, and at the same time find out whether he has?
— Name and address withheld
A. Inappropriate facial expressions are the usual giveaway, so it seems your suspicions are correct. But you are oversensitive. The disparaging tones will have reassured your friend that his ‘work’ must have been done with such subtlety as to be unnoticeable. To apologise now would be an own goal.
Q. I have been married to my lady wife for nearly 54 years and still cannot understand how her mind works. Yesterday was my 77th birthday and my wife invited me to a very expensive luncheon in Piccadilly. She ordered my favourite dish, wiener schnitzel, with vegetables, followed by a black forest torte. Unfortunately, I mentioned to my lady wife that the veal was not thin enough, nor the coating as crispy as it could be. A shadow passed over her and her face fell. Today, she cooked a divine chicken dish, her own creation, which I enjoyed greatly. When we were both sated, she leaned back in her chair, and asked ‘What was better, the meal yesterday or the one I cooked today?’ If I told her the restaurant meal was superior, it would insult her cooking. If I said the home-cooked chicken was best, I would be demeaning the expensive treat she went to so much trouble to surprise me with.
— M.B., by email
A. Most women would be happy with the response that while you always prefer to eat something prepared by her, you had still vastly enjoyed the novelty and treat of the Piccadilly luncheon.
Q. My younger sister is absolutely forbidden to borrow any of my clothes. Why should she get the benefit of wearing expensive clothes that I have bought with my allowance when she spends hers on cigarettes and clothes from Oxfam? My problem is that I just have this instinct that she somehow gets into my (locked) room and borrows stuff while I am away. She denies it. What can I do? Our parents refuse to get involved.
— F.K., London W11
A. Announce you have seen a picture of her on Facebook wearing one of your dresses. She may well fall into the trap and say ‘but I made sure I was not photographed’. Declare an amnesty and say that in future she can borrow your clothes for a small hire charge. This will promote better bonding between you.
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