Q. I note that (Dear Mary, 12 January) you advised your correspondent, resentful of Christmas expenditure, to offer instead ‘mutual experience gifts such as lunches and massages’. I am in my seventh decade and realised this year that, like most friends and family, I too have reached ‘peak stuff’. I propose that next year I will invite people to give me the name of their favourite charity and then make a donation to that charity. Surely this would be a better idea?
— A.C., London W8
A. In the past this might have worked well, but sadly the idea is now tainted by excessive virtue-signalling on social media, with people boasting that although it is their birthday, instead of receiving a present they would like a donation to be made to their favourite charity.
Q. A new couple who have moved to our village are by far the most compatible of all our near neighbours. Our problem is that their house is filthy, especially their kitchen. It means that we don’t enjoy the return matches as we feel we are genuinely at risk of some health issue arising. We couldn’t care less about returning hospitality, or cutlet for cutlet, and would far prefer them to always come to us, but how can we achieve this without causing offence or making them think it’s because we are too grand to want to go to them? (We’re in the big house and they are in a thatched cottage).
— Name and address withheld
A. One of you should allege to have suddenly been diagnosed with a mould allergy. It has been medically established that thatched properties trigger this condition. You can then continue to host them in your own house in perpetuity, and if they insist on returning the hospitality, suggest they bring along a box of chocolates or a bottle of wine if you feel this will square their consciences.
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