Q. I have had very discreet surgery to improve a jowly effect I was developing. I did not tell anyone I was having it done as my parents would be horrified if they found out. I believe I look much better but no one has complimented me and I am worried that this is because I have overdone it, and people are embarrassed. In the absence of a confidante (no one I know can keep a secret) how can I find out if people suspect I have had something done and if they think it a mistake?
Name withheld, Kent
A. Say to a sequence of friends that you are thinking of having ‘corrective surgery’ round your jowls. Stress the word ‘corrective’. They will either say, ‘But you don’t need anything done’, or, if the dreaded Bride of Wildenstein effect is thought to have come into play, they will respond, ‘Oh, can you correct surgery like that? Well, that might be a good idea.’ In this way you will get to the bottom of why there has been no feedback about your transformation.
Q. We are going to stay with a Norfolk landowner friend who likes to eat outside at every opportunity. Nothing too arduous you might think, but I am very sensitive to insect bites and last year I found the horseflies near his pool made my life a misery. Clearly I can’t be a bore and eat separately inside the house but horseflies are completely unaffected by repellant and short of wearing a burka I cannot think what to do. Other than the horseflies every other aspect of the stay will be top of toppers.
M.W., London W8
A. Why not bring a present to your friend of a horsefly trap? They need to be imported from www.bitingflies.com, but they add greatly to the enjoyment of a house party since the haul of dead insects which would otherwise have been biting one is so very satisfying to view and gives motivation to even the laziest of house guests.
Q. I recently went to a pool party with people from my school. I really needed to go to the loo but when I asked my friend’s mother where it was she casually directed me to one right in the centre of the pool house. There were too many people nearby so I just could not go. How could I have asked whether it would be OK to go to a loo inside the house (which she had locked up) without having to go into gross details as to why?
A.S., Exeter
A. Where lavatories are concerned there is never any need to spell out gross details. You need only say, ‘Sorry, but would it be OK to go up to the house?’ If your host queries this request, say nothing and just blink blandly. The penny will soon drop and you will be escorted to an area of privacy.
Q. I have taken a house in Scotland for a week and have asked a lovely girl I have often used to come and cook for us. It has now occurred to me that she would be perfect for one of my single male friends. How can I throw them together?
A.O., Sittingbourne
A. Ask your male friend to have the responsibility of driving with the cook when it is time to replenish food supplies. Such journeys in Scotland between hired houses and shops are inevitably long and bonding will be facilitated.
Comments