Q. I recently celebrated my CP (civil partnership), having been with my boyfriend for almost 21 years. I had planned it for months and arranged a flamenco evening at a smart venue in St James’s in London. We were restricted by the number of people we could ask, so I expected that all those who RSVPd in the positive would definitely show up. Can you imagine how disappointed I was when several people didn’t show up? Some had illnesses, and I could fully understand those, but one or two had lame excuses about baby-sitters and missing a train. Should I forgive them, as not only did I have to pay for them but I could have asked someone else in their place? What do you think, Mary?
M.K., Mildenhall, Wilts
A. There is a law of party dynamics which dictates that no matter how many people have RSVPd to such an important invitation in the affirmative, on the day in question a typical three in 100 guests will drop out for an unavoidable reason. Since this law is immutable it is sensible for a host to invite at least three extra people per 100 in anticipation of the inevitable shortfall. In this way a host avoids the post-party projection of personal frustration over waste. Should you forgive those who failed to attend? As a general rule in life you should always forgive. Certainly at least one of these guests who offered what you perceived to be a ‘lame’ excuse has already forgiven you.
Q. Close friends and neighbours are opening their garden to the public in order to raise money for a local charity. We know the garden well, of course, but although I had intended to support our friends by helping to swell the numbers, my husband is adamant that we should not go. He says our friends would ‘definitely not want to be distracted by us on the day’. I have taken a straw poll of other mutual friends and they agree with my husband — they should not ‘clutter up’ the garden while the owners are trying to show people round. One of them even said he was not going because he would not wish to appear to be ‘snooping’. Mary, can you rule on this? Do those who open their gardens want their friends to be among the numbers?
Name withheld, Wilts
A. There is widespread misunderstanding about this issue. Far from not wishing to have friends snooping in their gardens and distracting them during an open day, all gardeners crave feedback and recognition of the work they have put into their garden. They want to have it from as many people as possible. Your husband and friends are wrong. Their failure to attend could well be construed as disloyalty.
Q. When I entertain I do love to offer Eton Mess at this time of year, but so many people are on diets they won’t eat it. What puddings are non-fattening, Mary?
Name withheld, Hereford Road, London W2
A. Only the cream and sugar in Eton Mess is fattening. The meringues are surprisingly low in calories. A low-calorie, low-fat-count variation of the dish can be made by combining raspberries or strawberries and meringue with Bio-activa low-fat plain yogurt and maple syrup. This will deliver a satisfying and palate-refreshing finale to your ‘meal’ which will easily equal that offered by Eton Mess.
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