Q. I gave a drinks party at which I introduced two men who should have got on well. Instead one, who had had a bit too much to drink, became verbally aggressive, using a disagreement over architecture as the pretext for attacking the other. Despite my knowing the aggressor so well, and despite the passivity of his target, I was powerless to calm things down and it almost ended in (one-sided) fisticuffs. How could I have defused the tension?
—M.W., London SW3
A. To distract an aggressor at a party, raise your hand in a general stop sign, tap your glass and call for general silence. Announce that a large quantity of cash has been found on the floor. Would everyone please check to see whether it is they who have dropped it. He or she who identifies the correct amount you have found will be able to claim it back from you. There will be a lottery-style buzz of excitement as people check their pockets and bags. Meanwhile the tension will defuse naturally. Often aggressors welcome an excuse to stop ranting and someone else has to provide it for them.
Q. Recently at a friend’s house, I was offered the fruit bowl. Unfortunately the first piece of fruit I picked was very unripe, and unpleasant to eat. However I felt it was rude to put the offending fruit back and manhandle the other fruits till I found a ripe specimen. How could I have caused minimal offence to my hostess and my stomach?
—O.K., Wilts.
A. You were not to blame but you could have put your (clearly anxious) hostess at her ease by saying, ‘Oh I have done something very silly. I should have let you choose a ripe one for me.
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