Q. Whenever I have my friends round for dinner, someone’s mobile phone will always ring and they will always answer it at the table. When I extend my next invitation, how do I request that they turn their phones off on arrival? I do find such behaviour at the dinner table unacceptable but many treat their phones as a natural extension of their arms.
K.T., Chesterfield
A. Disarm guests by letting them see themselves as victims of mobile culture rather than heroes of it. As they arrive greet them warmly saying you have so looked forward to seeing them and giving them a break from their hectic schedules. Then add, ‘You won’t have to fend off bullies all through dinner, will you? I mean the usual bullies won’t be persecuting you through your mobile all evening, will they?’ No doubt your friends will self-importantly reply that, yes, they are expecting urgent calls from X,Y and Z, which they will have to take. Or that they will have to keep their eye on their BlackBerry because of an urgent email coming through. You should coo sympathetically, ‘Poor you! But you won’t be able to enjoy dinner then. And nor will we because we will all feel so sorry for you. Why not go and make some calls now and then turn the things off. You deserve a break, you poor things.’ In this way you will make your point while giving the SIPs (self-important persons) pause for thought.
Q. Loads of people we know from school all went to a cool public party which was arranged through Facebook during the Easter holidays. My friend and I were not allowed to go because we are not 14 yet and our mums said we were too young. What should we say to people who ask us in a pitying way why we did not go to this party when everyone else did?
Name and address withheld
A. If your ultimate objective is to increase your popularity then you will achieve this just as easily by not having gone to the party as having gone to it. Those who did go will want to boast about it and who can they boast to if everyone else was there? Openly admit that you were not allowed to go and beg those who were to tell you all about it. The exclusive insights they can offer as they regale you with the details will make them love you more for being impressed than they would love you for offering competitive accounts of the same event.
Q. May I pass on an additional idea to that of sending a copy of the address given at the funeral or memorial service when responding to a letter of condolence. A friend of mine recently responded by sending a postcard-style photograph of his very distinguished father who was dressed in full uniform, with a brief but appropriate note on the back.
C.P., London SW11
A. Thank you for sending in this useful tip. On many occasions photographs speak louder than words.
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