Q. I recently attended a house-cooling party. There were haybales around bonfires, barbecues and dancing to iPods with speakers. The house was open — although most of the furniture had gone — and we were invited to bring our own bedding if we wanted to sleep over. My 16-year-old daughter and I had a plane to catch so we left in a hurry the next morning. On the plane she remembered she had left two of her favourite pieces of vintage clothing at the party. As soon as we landed, I emailed our host to ask her to hold onto these precious items — a Hermès scarf and an Austrian loden coat — but she emailed back saying I was too late, she had been ‘hyperefficient’ and had already delivered a carload of left-behind clothing to the local Oxfam shop. She clearly took the view that if people were daft enough to leave things behind at a house which was being moved out of, then they obviously placed no value on them. What is your view, Mary?
– N.M., Oxfordshire
A. This behaviour breached etiquette. The normal obligations of hospitality continue to prevail even at house-cooling parties and, nuisance or not, the clothes should have been transported to the lost-property zone of the new house. Meanwhile, in junior circles, the post-party orthodoxy is to upload photos of forgotten items onto your social networking site, so that airheaded owners can claim them.
Q. The man opposite me at my desk is continually chewing gum with his mouth open. It’s too horrible. He’s senior to me. How do I resolve this?
– Name and address withheld
A. Carefully calculate the dimensions needed, then purchase a sheet of acrylic safety mirror, cut to order from www.mirrorworld.co.uk. The fee is nugatory and the sheet will arrive in the post. Affix the sheet to your laptop lid so that your colleague cannot help but see himself whenever said lid is open and you are innocently typing away. This will help to bring him up sharp and he will be grateful for the subtlety with which you have drawn his attention to the defect.
Q. My grandchildren are coming to stay. They are four and six. I love them but I am dreading the arguments about them wanting to watch television or play on electronic games all day. Their parents ration the time they are allowed to sit in front of screens but they know I don’t really have the energy for the battle. How can I quietly get my way, Mary?
– I.W., Somerset
A. Greet them with the exciting news that Granny now has powercuts which come at random moments and last for an hour or so. When it is time for them to play outside simply go to the mains switch and turn the power off. They will soon get used to the regime and begin to enjoy it.
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