Dear Mary | 21 July 2016

Q. Since my husband began to appear in the Rich List he has become much more popular with ‘artists’ in our wider circle and we receive enough private view invitations per year to last us a lifetime. My husband is a kind man and will often buy something he doesn’t particularly want just to be supportive. He recently made an appearance at a neighbour’s local show and bought the least awful picture he could see. Now we hear the girlfriend of this artist has been telling friends she is going to challenge my husband over his meanness because ‘it would have been no skin off his nose’ to have bought one of the bigger monstrosities. We don’t want to fall out with her because her long-suffering parents are dear friends, so what should I say when we next meet?
— Name and address withheld

A. Why not unnerve the girl by combining compliment and insult? Tell the anecdote of how the late Stanley Seeger collected Picasso. After an auction where he bought an inferior work by the master, he explained to Philip Hook that he thought it was so bad that it had to be taken out of circulation. Tell her that your husband’s choice was motivated by regard for her boyfriend’s reputation.

Q. My husband has a very bad habit. When he returns from work each evening, he grumbles for 30 minutes about his employees. He won’t let me make suggestions as to how things might be improved. He just wants me to hear him out.
— C.B, Paris

A. Why not save your marriage by inserting a pair of wax earplugs as soon as your husband walks in? Then you can muffle the diatribe while making sympathetic facial expressions or moués.