Q. I am in despair because I am growing fatter and fatter with every week that passes. I seem to have developed the most enormous appetite and now want roughly double what I used to eat. I have had all the relevant medical checks done privately and there is nothing wrong with me other than what my doctor calls ‘straightforward greed’. I have been to three clinics/spas already this year but each time I come out I start gorging again. One of the problems is that I work at home. The other is that I know for a fact that Weight Watchers is the only method which has worked for me in the past but these days I am what is called ‘high profile’, so it would not be advisable for me to rock up at meetings. I do not want gastric band surgery nor do I want to hire two full-time minders to block my way to the fridge like that man from the Beach Boys. Mary, what is the solution?
Name and address withheld
A. Like Alcoholic Anonymous, Weight Watchers is all about the power of the group. Since you cannot access this magic without attending meetings and you say that public meetings are out of the question, then — as money is clearly no object to you — you must hire a Weight Watchers leader to come privately to your home once a week. You can round up your own trusted friends and neighbours to form the membership of the group. There are many first-time binge eaters in the same position as yourself so there will be no problem making up numbers.
Q. Mary, what should you do when someone you have never met before, but who has come into your house via the introduction of a mutual friend, accidentally smashes a priceless object five minutes after they have walked in? This happened to me recently and I don’t think my reaction was very dignified. Please advise.
V.G.S., Hereford
A. The cultivation of natural-sounding laughter is one of the most useful social skills that can be honed. Older aristocrats and Sloane Rangers can produce it at will. Some of them can even produce a meaningless but very desirable background laughter — a sort of perma-gurgling — to enliven dinner parties and break the ice in sticky situations. When an unexpected incident like this occurs, the skill comes into its own. Victims of such breakages should be mindful that in the long term the smashed object will be replaced, either by the unfortunate smasher or by insurance monies. In the short term, therefore, to keep the social ambience cheery and give the smasher the benefit of the doubt, you must look stern for around 15 seconds then roar with good-natured laughter.
Q. What is the correct term for a woman who has one to dinner or to stay? I always feel uneasy when referring to someone as my ‘hostess’. It seems such a naff word. What is the answer?
H.B., London W11
A. You have probably been confused by hearing people talk about air hostesses and hostess trolleys. ‘Hostess’ is the correct word to describe someone who is giving you hospitality but the emphasis must be on the first syllable — hostess.
If you have a problem write to Dear Mary, c/o The Spectator, 22 Old Queen Street, London SW1H 9HP.
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