Q. Last year my husband and I stayed with a much-loved, but slightly airy-fairy friend in her house in Tuscany. Flights, tips, presents, a hire car and house-sitters were already costing us rather a lot, but she insisted we went out to (quite expensive) local restaurants for lunch four days out of five to experience the regional cuisine. She let my husband pay each time.
I felt this was overdoing it, especially as we had to pay for her, her husband and her three adult children, and they have had plenty of hospitality when staying with us in England. Mary, can you rule? Moreover how can we avoid it happening again when we join them later this year?
— Name and address withheld.
A. Your friends should have drawn the line at two lunches paid for by your husband. Next time, email them in advance to say that you have become very interested in Tuscan dishes and would like to cook a couple of lunches or dinners for her house party with ingredients that you’d buy in local markets. Add that — because you are on a ‘bit of a budget’ this year — this would be ‘just as much fun and more affordable’.
Q. I’m approaching a mortifyingly embarrassing birthday. The big 40. I am torn between wanting to keep it under wraps, and a childish desire to have a fuss made of me. I’ve sworn friends and family to secrecy, and warned that if anyone organises a surprise party, I will be livid. I’ve considered deactivating Facebook for the day, but the thought of my birthday not being acknowledged by my wider group of friends depresses me. What should I do?
— Name and address withheld.
A. On your Facebook profile, go to ‘Settings’, ‘Account Settings’, ‘Timeline and Tagging’, and change ‘Who can post on my timeline’ from ‘Friends’ to ‘Only me’.
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