Q. My first book comes out next month and the publishers are launching it with a drinks party in a London bookshop between 6.30 and 8 p.m. I can count at least 20 old friends and family, to say nothing of my editor and publicist, who will naturally expect me to have dinner with them afterwards. We don’t have a London flat any more. My husband would love to take ten people out to dinner but not 20 — not because of the expense, but because of the noise and the chaos. How do I choose without upsetting people?
—Name withheld, Warwickshire
A. You could be certain of hurting no one by planning to drive straight back to Warwickshire after the party, on the understandable grounds that you will be ‘too shattered’ to have dinner. Otherwise it should be possible to ask a discreet London-based friend to give dinner for ten in his own home. Let him choose and invite the selected seven extras. He need not include the publicist or editor — as a general rule they are relieved not to be asked to post-launch dinners. In this way you can tell others, sincerely, that you would have loved to have joined them afterwards but ‘X’ is giving a dinner for you. Secretly your husband will have sent two cases of wine — the leftovers should compensate ‘X’ for his efforts.
Q. My flatmate flirts indiscriminately with every single male who walks through the door. Although she has no desire to go out with any of them and just wants reassurance (she is a professional actor), she comes across as totally convincing and they all believe that she fancies them. As she is incredibly beautiful, they are so distracted by her that they can’t talk properly to me. What do you suggest?
—Name withheld, London SW3
A. Preface each invitation to a male with ‘I know most men find it really tiring, but can you face coming round to my flat?’ When they inquire what would be tiring about it, reply, ‘Well, being flirted with by my flatmate. Everyone finds it exhausting, especially since there is no chance of follow-through.’ This should pre-empt the nuisance.
Q. I work in a gallery. An important client’s 18-year-old son has been given an internship and is sitting with me at the front desk. Although he does everything I ask, he is simultaneously live-chatting on BlackBerry Messenger. It is driving me insane. I have tried saying things like, ‘You may want to concentrate on this and put your Blackberry aside,’ but he seems addicted. Obviously I can’t pull rank.
—P.M., London W1
A. Find an excuse to sit very close to the boy. Your physical proximity will make him self-conscious, especially if you are close enough to read the fatuous drivel he is no doubt sending and receiving.
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