Dear Mary | 25 April 2019

Q. Like many of his profession, Manolo, my most-proficient masseur, has the gift of the gab and maintains a garrulous monologue throughout my weekly session. This would be all right if he did not constantly break off from his pummelling to make a point — or just spout. Often (I’ve checked with his clock) his pauses to elaborate on an anonymous patient’s therapy can add up to 15 minutes of my 45-minute session, which is disconcerting, as massage is costly. How can I halt Manolo’s volubility without using words which might offend or affect the efficacy of his work? (Pretending to meditate is out of the question as my collaboration is needed: ‘Turn on to your back,’ etc.)
— T. D., Majorca

A. Next time tell Manolo: ‘I want you to promise to be strict with me today and don’t let me talk during our session. I love to chat, as you know, but one of my best friends has treatments each week, and he has just told me that I would get more health benefits from a quiet massage. So if I say anything, just don’t respond. And let’s catch up at the end of the session.’

Q. Recently at the dog park, a catty dog owner loudly remarked that ‘only well-behaved dogs should be allowed here’. Worried that my over-enthusiastic greyhound might upset her sensitivities, I called to him to leave. He had had a good run. On turning around, I saw her boxer urinating on my pram, the owner conveniently looking away. What should I have done?
— Adelaide B., Melbourne

A. The catty woman was clearly just projecting her guilt about her own dog’s past or latent behaviour. Next time you see her, don’t mention the urination incident.