Q. My wife and I have been married for 50 years. The marriage is basically sound but she has recently developed a new maddening habit when we entertain. She waits until I am in the middle of an anecdote or story and then starts proffering plates of vegetables or more wine — this when everyone has already got well-filled glasses and everything on their plate they could possibly want. And of course they then have to say ‘No thank you’. These actions seem timed to sabotage my performances. When I take it up with her she always insists she is just being polite to our guests.
— Name and address withheld
A. This is a prime example of passive aggression. Your wife may be nursing a secret grudge against you. Why not let her take centre stage before you begin your first anecdote? Smile pleasantly as you invite her to regale the table with a story or nugget of gossip of her own. Tell those assembled that it will be well worth listening to, then add: ‘Before we start, can I make sure everyone has everything they need so I don’t need to interrupt my wife’s flow by offering drinks or food? Isn’t it maddening when one partner spoils another one’s story by doing that? All too easy a habit to slip into.’ Chuckle unbitterly as you add: ‘I call it Anecdote Sabotage Syndrome or ASS!’ Once everyone’s mindset is attuned to the potential of ASS, your wife will feel self-conscious about interrupting your stories.
Q. We are about to give a party for 200 with a dinner in a marquee and a dance floor. How can we stop female guests from taking off their uncomfortable high shoes and going on to the dance floor, where there is so often broken glass?
— T.L.,
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