Q. Last year we were invited by dear friends to country house opera, which was wonderful except that we discovered afterwards that we were expected to pay for our tickets — over £100 each! I gather this is fairly normal practice. But we dread being re-invited this year. How can I decline without having to admit that the price is too high?
Figaro, Home Counties
A. Most people are now happily admitting that they can’t afford things. We are all in this together. The trouble is that such an admission may result in the host insisting on paying for one. To pre-empt this, you should decline such invitations immediately. There is no need to elaborate on why. If bullied for an answer as to what you are doing instead, simply bulge your eyes mysteriously and say, ‘Can I tell you after it’s happened?’ If pressed later you can say, ‘Oh dear yes, something I hoped would happen didn’t come off. Too boring to talk about.’
Q. I recently received two medals for campaign service over 40 years ago. Is it acceptable to wear the miniatures on every occasion that black tie is stipulated on the invitation, having regard to the fact that we are no longer a warrior race and triumphalism was outlawed in the Blair years?
R.P., Stamford
Q. A great Scottish gentleman has been laid to rest. He was the Duke of Hamilton. He hated being a duke. He wanted to be one of us and succeeded. I am the second son of a tailor. We were close friends on the ground and brother pilots. His burial was private. In July there will be a public affair. I shall wear my RAF VR tie instead of a black tie, my first time ever. Angus would have understood the reference to 602 Squadron. Should I wear my three WWII medals? I never have before, but for Angus’s sake I want to out them. What is the proper dress?
Name and address withheld
A. No one is better qualified to advise than the Regimental Adjutant of a Guards Regiment. This was his response to the two queries above.
‘I would NEVER wear miniature medals with black tie, unless specifically asked to do so and, as regards the other question, I would NEVER wear medals when attending a funeral or memorial service! In fact the only times I would wear medals in plain clothes are Remembrance Sunday, Black Sunday, and perhaps at some sort of national memorial event.’
I hope this clears things up.
Q. I was rather dismayed to see your somewhat sniffy response to the person who wrote concerning clapping in church. The first time I encountered this phenomenon was at my own wedding 23 years ago. This was a very traditional affair, officiated by a dear cousin who is now a senior Anglican bishop. At the end of the wedding ceremony, as we were about to walk down the aisle, my cousin announced, ‘I give you Mr and Mrs Pickles’ and a polite round of applause arose from the congregation. I do not think a single person present, not even the oldest and stuffiest member of the Hurlingham Club, was offended.
J.P., London SW1
A. I do not deny that clapping in church can be cathartic, so to speak. My own pompous stance against it is instinctive and has been endorsed by witnessing it shared by two of the most senior arbiters of taste in the land.
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