Dear Mary | 26 March 2011

Q. After dining at a well-known gastronomic salon in Bombay with two gap-year visitors, together with two exceptionally pretty girls working in Bombay, we were sitting in a side room, whereupon a gentleman with a straggly beard tried to join our group with the following comment: ‘Eh… fecundity — there is nothing like a polysyllablic word to get the party going!’ We looked at each other in slight amazement as we tried to recall the meaning of the word. When we did, the implication, particularly for the girls, held distinctly unappealing prospects! Mary, what should we have done?

— R.S., Bombay

A. No doubt your cosy smugathon was irritating to fellow diners. The bearded man’s remark was passive-aggressive and probably linked to alcohol intake. One way to distract unwelcome would-be interlopers and steer them in another direction is to pleasantly introduce yourself, thereby eliciting their own name. ‘John Brown?’ you can repeat, with furrowed brow. ‘Did you just drop a credit card? One of the waiters is walking around with a credit card he found. I’m sure he was asking for John Brown.’ This technique will ensure that any resentment aroused by your own triumphalism can be refocused onto the management of the restaurant. They are better equipped to defuse it.

Q. I was shocked to receive an email invitation to a drinks party which is being given by a civilised woman in a civilised place. Do you think I should reply in traditional manner or by email? I hate to think that the emailed invitation could become the norm.

— Name and address withheld

A. This party-giver is clearly orchestrating the event through electronic means. It will help her if you reply by email. Emailed invitations are not as cheering as traditional stiffies but they have two main advantages: those who have been excluded are not offended by seeing the invitation displayed in someone else’s house; also, people are flaky these days — and oddly proud of being so.