Q. My problem may make me seem selfish and spoilt but I suspect that some of your readers will sympathise. Since I was a schoolgirl I have daydreamed about owning my own flat in Venice. Finally I have managed to buy a wonderful apartment there and it has now been restored to perfection and is ready to live in. I will not be able to go there very often because I work in London and have commitments elsewhere, but I know it will be bliss when I do go. My problem in a nutshell is this. I am bound to run into people I know when I am in Venice and will have to invite them for drinks or supper. I will be glad to see them but the word is bound to go round that I have this flat that I don’t use very often and people will start asking can they borrow/rent it. How can I say no without causing offence? I want it to stay as my own private bolthole.
N.N., London SW6
A. You can deal with this matter by cutting friends off short as soon as they start to gush about how wonderful the apartment is. Quickly interrupt their flow by entreating in conspiratorial manner, ‘Please will you do me a favour? If anyone asks what it’s like, tell them it is ghastly. For reasons I won’t go into, I really don’t want people asking if they can come and stay. More champagne anyone?’
Q. I find that invitations are very thin on the ground these days and wonder whether it would be acceptable to hold a ‘bring a bottle’ party? Lack of finance is certainly what is holding me back from throwing a party of my own and I expect it might be holding others back too. I am worried, however, that for professional reasons it might be bad for my image to give the impression that I cannot afford to give a proper party (at the age of 46) and that this might impact on my work as a freelance operator. What is your view, Mary?
Name and address withheld
A. It is slightly too early on in the recession to give a bring a bottle party at the age of 46. Instead, why not suggest that someone of student age who is in your life and knows a lot of your friends (perhaps one of your own children) should give a party in your house? Have some bring a bottle invitations knocked up and send them out to your own friends as well as the student’s friends. Your own friends will be flattered to have been included and only too pleased to bring a bottle. The best parties are always those with a mix of ages and as long as you can see your friends in convivial circumstances it does not really matter whose party they think they are attending.
Q. The other day I was making breakfast while having an argument with my wife. The breakfast was burning and I needed to go to the loo. Then the doorbell rang. It was the Jehovah’s Witnesses. I am afraid I did not acquit myself well. If this should happen again, how should I dispatch them gracefully?
J.A., Alderton, Suffolk
A. Simply assume a caretaker persona as you say, ‘Sorry, there’s no one in at the moment.’ Then close the door pleasantly.
If you have a problem write to Dear Mary, c/o The Spectator, 22 Old Queen Street, London SW1H 9HP.
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