Q. Mary, please help urgently. We have friends to stay with us in Scotland every year at this time. This year I have an impressive quota of three single (heterosexual) men in their forties. I have identified one in particular as ideal for a singleton female friend who is also coming. How can I force them together, Mary? I may not be able to use the long walk/car-running-out-of-petrol ruse if the weather closes in. I know they would be happy together but obviously being in their forties both are a bit shy now about the ‘pass’.
Name withheld
A. People forget that for most of the last century, dancing, i.e. dancing with a partner, was the means by which the romantic spark could be lit and a liaison forced forward. Instead of the usual after-dinner games, try to include some reeling — it is quite acceptable to use recorded music. If there is insufficient room, then play ‘dancing in the dark’, in which a blindfolded guest dances with a series of members of the opposite sex and has to guess who they are. Once the prospective couple have had some ‘hands-on’ experience of each other you will find that, if nature has deemed them compatible, things will move rapidly forward of their own accord.
Q. Each year my brothers and I go up to Somerset for a week at family HQ. We all have children now and outdoor walks and games by day are followed by teatime, bathtime and a DVD before bed. Nine children are involved, ranging in age from four to eleven. The children are becoming as competitive as their parents and I can sense trouble brewing. How can we devise a fair system to agree which DVD should be screened?
R.B., Exeter
A. Turn the situation from a domination contest into enjoyable competition. Bring a book of raffle tickets as available from any newsagent. During the day the tickets can be earned by the children as rewards for games-winning, table-clearing, postcards-to-godparent-writing or other activities agreed by the parents. At DVD time only the holders of raffle tickets can put the tickets in a hat. The owner of the winning ticket can choose the DVD.
Q. I recently went to stay in Pershore with a friend who had some luscious-looking peaches growing in a hot house. I having admired the peaches, my host immediately offered me one which I accepted but I noticed he looked rather pained as I consumed it. Did I do something wrong, Mary? What is the etiquette regarding admiring a friend’s home-grown crop of something?
C.H., address withheld
A. There is a special etiquette regarding English home-grown peaches. They are unusually hard won and cost a fortune in hot-house bills. The emotional energy expended is akin to that involved in a pregnancy. If a grower offers you a ripe English home-grown peach, the correct answer is ‘No. Certainly not. You must eat it yourself.’
If you have a problem write to Dear Mary, c/o The Spectator, 22 Old Queen Street, London SW1H 9HP.
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