Q. One of my neighbours displays the most extraordinary behaviour when I go to dinner. When the guests arrive they are not offered a drink, even a soft one, for at least 15 minutes. He then pours one bottle of wine into tiny glasses. He later replenishes his own glass at the expense of his guests’. The other night, no wine whatsoever was offered with our first course. Later, a small amount of red appeared, in a decanter. There were no refills until the very end of the meal, when he poured himself, and one other male, a full glass. This has happened so often in the last 20 years that I would like to teach him a lesson. He has little sense of humour, so a jokey reprimand would not work. (My neighbours, and my ex-husband, have noticed his keenness to accept refills when out.) What do you suggest? I could sit with an empty glass on my head next time I go there, but would that make me look like a greedy and mad alcoholic?
E.S., Sussex
A. It could be that, for various reasons, the man in question does not want his party to go with a swing. Alternatively, he may enjoy the control-freak or sadistic aspect of withholding drink from his guests. Next time, take a bag with three bottles of screw-top wine swathed in clothing to prevent clanking. Leave this bag in a downstairs loo and discreetly inform your fellow guests that they are welcome to follow your lead in quietly topping up their tiny glasses (once the first 50ml has been trickled into them). It will do no harm if your host becomes aware of an almost continuous stream of lavatory traffic. Indeed, it is almost desirable that he should uncover the cache. He will then have to ask himself why it has been necessary to install a rival dispensing facility.
Q. My husband and I have recently retired from a diplomatic posting. Although both of us learnt to drive more than 40 years ago, for the last five years we have been chauffeur-driven almost continuously. It is now impractical to employ a chauffeur, but the pace of rural driving seems to have increased so dramatically that we have become nervous when driving ourselves. Living in a particularly remote part of England, we cannot rely on the local Badger Bus for our daily needs. Can you suggest a solution, Mary?
Name and address withheld
A. Why not enhance your sense of security by driving with P-plates? Other drivers will treat you with more care and forgiveness and be happy to keep their distance.
Q. I do occasional freelance work in an office where I am on first-name terms with about 50 people, but only actively like about 25 per cent of them. I want to invite the people I like to a party. How can I avoid offending the other 75 per cent when everyone reads each other’s emails these days and invitations are left lying around?
C.M., Aldbourne, Wiltshire
A. Telephone the favoured few and ask for their home addresses explaining, ‘I want to invite you to something without annoying everyone else in the office by sending you an invitation and risking them seeing it lying around on your desk’. In this way you bestow on them a flattering special status, at the same time as delivering an un-bossy request for discretion.
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