Q. I have bought a second-floor flat which comes with a bow-shaped balcony which overlooks a communal garden. My problem is that I will want to go on to the balcony to smoke but I won’t want my neighbours to see me doing this. Nor will I want them to be able to see who is standing on the balcony smoking with me. Solution?
— Name withheld, London W11
A. Why not take a tip from the late Lucian Freud? When the reclusive painter had his own bow-shaped balcony, he concealed his doings from neighbours with a 7ft high wall of tightly packed Chinese bamboo. This device allowed Freud to see out through the gaps, while the light made fabulous patterns as it filtered in and over the small pools of water on the floor of the balcony.
Q. My daughter-in-law invited a recently separated friend (aged about 40) to join us at Christmas. I had met her previously. Despite the rather chilly day, she was wearing a strapless sun frock (requiring frequent hitching) which revealed newly acquired tattoos covering all of her back, as well as much of her arms. Was I correct in not commenting on this artwork, or should I have acknowledged its presence with insincere flattery?
—P.W., Auckland, New Zealand
A. The world is now divided into those who would never dream of gilding their natural lily and those who inexplicably think it a good idea. Insincere approval would have been wrong as it might have encouraged further disfigurement. Silence would have spoken louder than words.
Q. May I pass on a tip to readers? I was very keen that my six-year-old twins write thank-you letters for their Christmas presents. I know from giving presents to godchildren myself that one feels increasingly disinclined to bother if acknowledgements are not forthcoming.
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