Dear Mary…
Q. Despite misgivings, and only when further evasion would have been offensive, I accepted an invitation to a dinner party from a successful architect with whom I have a perfectly amicable business relationship. My wife and I arrived and were introduced to two other couples — friends of the hosts of apparently fairly recent standing — who proceeded to behave foully towards us, being consistently snide, hostile and argumentative. Our host remained seemingly oblivious, and made no attempt to protect us or to steer the conversation in more enjoyable directions. We emerged, numbed, from a thoroughly hateful evening. Despite a carefully worded thank-you letter, I continue to receive invitations and suggestions for a further get-together. I believe we are under an obligation to repay the hospitality, but my sweet, gentle wife, who suffered some particularly hurtful slights on that previous occasion, wants no further social contact at all. What should we do?
Name withheld, London SW1
A. You and your wife perceived the other guests’ behaviour as ‘snide, hostile and argumentative’ and felt shocked that your host did not intervene to protect you. Yet it’s unlikely that he would wish to alienate a business colleague, so perhaps this was because he saw that no offence was intended. Bear in mind, when meeting new people, that in self-confident circles bantering, teasing and provocation are often used as a means of fast-forwarding friendship. However, when it is necessary to repay the hospitality of people whose company one does not enjoy, the trick is to invite them to be your guests at a charity event. The evening is usually punctuated by speeches and/or dancing and there is scant opportunity for either dull, drunken or offensive conversation to gain any momentum. In this way you can discharge your debt.
Q. As part of his mid-life crisis my husband has bought a brand-new Maserati. It is his pride and joy, but the trouble is that, so far, he has been unable to show it off. We live in the country and invitations to large parties, which should provide a perfect opportunity, have to be ruled out because they invariably involve parking in a muddy field. He does not like to drive it on wet roads because he worries it will get dirty and then rusty underneath. Unlike some of his fellow mid-life crisis friends, he does not have a carpeted garage with underfloor heating. How, therefore, without being so coarse as to openly boast, can he let people know that he owns a Maserati in the first place and thereby bask in the admiration of his peers?
A.E., Pewsey, Wilts
A. This is a perfect time of year to drive the Maserati to a concert or play at one of your children’s schools. With a careful selection of parking position your husband can be confident that an official will need to address the assembled company over a microphone to make the request: ‘Will the owner of the silver Maserati, registration number such-and-such, please move it since it is blocking important access.’ As your husband stands up and picks his way through the auditorium, mouthing ‘sorry’ towards the stage, his peers will certainly get the message.
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