Q. I am at the age where parts of the body start to go wrong, and I have a minor but life-changing issue. I am in the process of telling my friends when I learn that one of them has a much more serious and life-threatening one. Should I mention my own lesser problem to him, and if so, how? I don’t want to belittle his by seeming to compare notes, but I suspect he would wish to know.
— J.N., New Malden, Surrey
A. Commiserate with your friend about his own condition. Listen to the details. Then give a short laugh and ask, ‘By the way, do you find it irritating or amusing when other people say they are ill too, and then describe some comparatively minor condition?’ Tailor your next words accordingly.
Q. An old (in all senses) friend has received a letter from his secretary which says ‘I wish to register a sexual harassment-related complaint. I have worked for you for nearly 30 years and not once have you made a pass or attempted even the tiniest lunge.’ Initially, of course, he felt this was a spoof, since he suspects she may have a sense of humour, but doubts have entered his mind. How should he react?
— Name withheld, Tisbury
A. Is the boss theoretically free to embark on a new romantic liaison? If so, he can be confident that the secretary in question is actually writing a genuine love letter, disguised as a light-hearted prank. Secretaries do fall in love with their bosses and vice versa. Presence makes the heart grow fonder. If single, it would be hard for her not to be in love with her boss. If he would welcome further intimacy, your friend should write a reverse harassment letter accusing her, in the age of sexual equality, of not having made a pass at him and asking her to put this right immediately.
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