Q. I have a problem with a much older friend who is slightly insecure and super-sensitive to criticism and I don’t know how to tell her an uncomfortable truth about her guest lavatory. The lavatory shaft has a coating of thick brown limescale, inches deep. She is not short-sighted so clearly both she and her cleaner think the lavatory is perfectly presentable. I am going to stay with her in London and you might think I should just buy limescale remover but, were I to do so, she would notice the transformation and would then feel she had been foolish not to have known that such a product exists. She would worry endlessly about what I must think of her. Any suggestions?
– Name and address withheld
A. While staying, go to visit a fashionable friend (who she doesn’t know) and come back gushing that this man was over the moon as he has some sort of insider knowledge and has managed to get his hands on a product that safely strips limescale from loos. He says that his own loo and all his friends’ are transformed from brown to white and he even gave you a free jar of it. Would she like to try it? In this way she will not feel her limescaled loo is unusual and will be pleased, rather than anxious, when you tackle it.
Q. I know my husband very well and when we are at lunch or dinner I can usually tell when he is about to say something tactless/ reveal a secret/ cap someone else’s story with a better one of his own. How can I, without being disruptive or uncool, stop him in his tracks before it is too late? You may think I am bossy but he often says afterwards: ‘I wish you had told me not to say that.’
– W.M., Burnham Market, Norfolk
A. You might talk to John Wright at www.butler-call.co.uk. His company has been a leader in the field of discreet servant-summoning for 30 years. You will have seen its elegant buttons in the hands of hosts in grand houses and diners in five-star restaurants. Butler-call provides imaginative solutions to all types of wireless alerting needs. You might approach it for a ‘husband-gagging’ device which you could discreetly trigger to vibrate in your husband’s pocket when he is about to be tactless at the table.
Q. I have been sent a save-the-date notification for an event in August 2026. It comes from someone I know quite well and like, but I feel a bit claustrophobic being asked to commit to something so far ahead when I may or may not be abroad. What should I do?
– L.L., Market Harborough
A. Etiquette does not require you to answer a save the date.
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