Q. We have a neighbour who always overfills my glass. I beg her not to. Even if I commit the solecism of holding my hand over the glass to stop her, she will wait and then sneak up behind me and pour more in. I like her but I always reel away from her house pie-eyed, and wake with a hangover. What do I do?
– D.S., Delhi, Catskills, USA
A. Punish your neighbour by stocking up on silicone stretch lids, as used by the fastidious to cover the likes of yoghurt pots in the fridge. Having extracted a promise from her that she will not sneak up to refill your glass, secrete a stretchable lid over it. Since these lids are invisible, she will have only herself to blame when she suffers the splash-back consequences. This should put a stop to her meddling in future.
Q. I saw in Waitrose that the meat counter had huge reductions on ribeye and fillet steak – it was in the evening just before closing time. So I waited for the boy to come and serve me – my intention was to hoard it in my deep freeze for my sons. Then an older Sloane couple came up and stood right behind me and started making pointed remarks on what they were going to buy – and I ended up feeling bullied and didn’t dare get more than three steaks. When I glanced back they were cleaning up on all the savings and yet I had been there first and it was I who should have had this advantage. How should I have tackled this, Mary?
– S.H., Shrewton, Wilts
A. You should have magnanimously enquired of the couple how much of the steak they were hoping to buy, since you would then hold back from bagging the lot as you had intended. In this way it would have been they who walked away with three steaks, feeling gratitude towards you, and you who cleaned up with the hoard.
Q. My husband and I are taking a house on the Ligurian coast and letting our daughters bring their boyfriends. Our problem is that the boyfriends are not ‘housetrained’. We really mind them sitting at the lunch table without shirts, but our daughters are reluctant to say anything ‘snobbish’ in case they make the youths feel insecure. Help!
– Name and address withheld
A. Casually announce that the mayor of Portofino – ‘who is a frightful bore’ – has said he is going to drop in for lunch one day so would they mind wearing shirts at lunch just in case. When they google the mayor of Portofino, they will see that he is striking back against the tourist slobbery perpetrated mainly by the English, including being shirtless. It will be an eye-opener for the youths to learn that shirtlessness could be considered offensive, while you personally will have ducked association with snobbery.
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