Dear Mary: Help! My teeth are too white

Q. I ride a bike from Chiswick to the City each morning. It is a ten-mile journey that takes 45 minutes and it is good for my weight and mental health. I lock my bike to a lamppost outside my semi-detached house as there is no room for it inside. Now an official-looking sign has appeared on the lamppost saying ‘It is illegal to attach bicycles to this lamppost’, but I have checked and it is not from the council. I think it must have been made by Photoshop and put up by my neighbour on the other side of my semi-detached house. She is the only other person who can see the lamppost. I don’t want to fall out with my neighbour but I think it dishonest of her to put up this notice. What should I do?

– C.W., Chiswick

A. Respond gently by having an official-looking sign knocked up yourself that says ‘It is perfectly legal to attach bicycles to this lamppost’ and placing it on top of your neighbour’s sign.

Q. My husband has got into the bad habit of grumbling each morning when he wakes up. He likes to complain that he hasn’t slept well and doesn’t feel well. He then sits down to a huge breakfast and laments the woes of the world for at least half an hour. I wear EarPods to cope but I am worried about a forthcoming Scottish house party where he is bound to depress the other guests with this behaviour first thing in the morning. Would it be acceptable to ask if he could have breakfast in bed so that he can be kept out of the way? He is usually fine again by about 10 a.m. In a house party of 20 surely no one would notice his absence?