Dear Mary: how can I duck a friend’s expensive birthday party?

Q. I must be the only person with this problem but I would really welcome a solution. I have a lovely neighbour in the flat below who happily has my dog to stay when I go away. She also holds a set of keys to my flat so she can check all is well. This time I came back a day earlier than expected and couldn’t understand why my neighbour seemed flustered and embarrassed to see me. Now I find that my home massage gun, which I use to de-tense my neck and shoulders, is missing from my work table. I can only conclude that my neighbour couldn’t resist borrowing it, had meant to return it, but was flummoxed by my early return. Of course I forgive her but how can I possibly save her face? – Name and address withheld

A. Why not cheerily ask does she by any chance still have the dog’s massage gun – which you suddenly realise you must have given her, along with his basket, lead and food?

Q. My best friend from university married young and asked me to his wedding. Since I had just joined the army I was not allowed the leave to attend. He is now having his birthday in Cape Town. I really want to make up for not being able to go to his wedding but, although he has invited me to stay in his house, I now realise I am not going to be able to afford some of the things he has planned, one of which is a £3,500 night in a restaurant/cabaret. Having bought the flight and told him I was coming, I don’t want to let him down. What excuse do you suggest I could give?

– M.L.,