Q. Towards the end of last year, I began three months of treatment for a knee replacement. During one consultation the surgeon and I chatted about a mutual interest, the pleasure of cigar smoking. In fact I ceased smoking some time ago, but still had a quantity in my humidor and was pleased to make a gift to someone still enjoying a smoke. Among the items were a number of Monte Cristo Habanas, and to avoid any damage I packed them in a leather cigar case: I also handed over an inscribed book on the cigar industry, saying that I would like to have both the book and the case returned to me. I am not at all interested in the promised report of pleasure received. I have simply asked many times for my things to be returned , without success. Mary, how can I achieve this?
— J.E., by email
A. Telephone the surgeon’s secretary and make an appointment. Explain there is no medical problem but you feel guilty to have saddled this busy man with a non-urgent chore, the failure to perform which must be playing on his conscience. Ask that she ensures the book and cigar case will be in the consulting room for you to recover on the day of your appointment and to confirm their availability in writing. You will receive the items by post in a matter of days and can then cancel the appointment.
Q. I own a large house. For some years I have invited the same gang to come and stay over the course of a certain social event which takes place virtually on my doorstep. I love them all, but would like to invite different people next year. How can I do this without hurting the feelings of those for whom my house party has become a social fixture?
—Name and address withheld
A. Collude with one of those whom you do wish to invite. Let’s call him Binky Billions. Then say to friends, ‘Bad news. We are going to have to let the house next year for the Social Event on our Doorstep. The only small consolation for me is that Binky Billions is going to take it, and since he is asking loads of people I know, he has kindly asked me to stay on as a guest.’
Q. At a dinner party in Scotland recently I, an Englishwoman, told the table some gossip about a Scotswoman who had behaved badly, over money, towards an Englishman. It was a fairly harmless anecdote but drink had been taken and the Scots rounded on me en masse, declaring that the Scotswoman was in the right (though patently she was not). How could I have defused this veiled racism?
— M.W., London SW3
A. You might have said, ‘Talking of money, is that a £50 note on the floor under the table?’ While they were thus distracted, you could have introduced a fresh topic.
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