Q. My wife worked in the picture department of a very reputable auction house but has now taken to retirement with great enthusiasm. However, friends are constantly contacting her for free advice, valuations etc. They usually start with: ‘I know you’ve retired, but this won’t take you very long…’ She finds this irritating, yet doesn’t want to offend anyone – she just wants a peaceful retirement. How can she put a stop to these constant interruptions? – Name withheld, West Sussex
A. She should be sympathetic but use the double deterrent of replying: ‘I’m out of the market now, so I wouldn’t feel confident charging you for advice.’
Q. I am known to be a philanthropic person but sometimes charities which I firmly do not wish to support, for my own ethical reasons, ask me to contribute. I don’t want to rain on the parade of those who feel that they are putting effort into fund-raising for a noble cause, but neither do I wish to be an accessory after the fact. What can I do?
– H.R., London W1
A. A philanthropist on Dear Mary’s board of advisers has observed: ‘Only rather vain people would mention this as a problem. If you are well off you should expect to be asked to give to charities. The charities are quite used to people saying no, and all you have to say, politely, is: ‘Thank you for showing me this. We have decided not to make a contribution but wish you every success.’
Q. My new sister-in-law is very nice but has a knack of using words that I find cringe-making – ‘plaudits’ and ‘purview’, for example. But worse are the clichés: ‘Back in the day’, ‘It is what it is’, ‘Let’s circle back’, ‘Win win situation’, ‘110 per cent’, ‘Living my best life’. It is non-stop. The other day I told her I was going for a pedicure and she told me: ‘Love that for you!’ My brother, who used to share my tastes, is so enamoured he doesn’t seem to have noticed anything wrong. We now see quite a lot of her so can you come up with a brilliant idea as to how I can tactfully re-educate her?
– Name and address withheld
A. Attempting to stop the flow may be a lost cause. It would be much easier for you to learn to love your sister-in-law because of, rather than despite, this defect. The clichés could be viewed as cosily predictable and you could aspire to welcome each one as it lands. To this end you might compile an A-Z of clichés and nightmare words and take incremental satisfaction as the collection expands. Perhaps it could even be vanity-published (under a pseudonym) as a Christmas book.
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