Dear Mary: How can I tell my mother-in-law she’s being mean?

Q. My egregious mother-in-law turns 80 this December. She is not short of a bob but for one of my birthdays (the big one) she sent me a card with the equivalent of A$20 (£12). This is normally what your children receive from their grandparents, not what a mature adult expects. I normally do not send her anything for her birthday but what would be the best way to make a point for her 80th? Send her a card with the same amount of money? Or could you propose an alternative strategy to show her that her gesture was, to say the least, the action of a stingy and parsimonious women?
— Name withheld, Canberra, Australia

A. If you really wish to make your mother-in-law feel small, then turn the other cheek and send her cash to the value of ten or 20 times what she sent you. Repeat this procedure at every opportunity and you will eventually see a sense of reality creeping in.

Q. My 41-year-old son has recently taken up with a new lady and, when I first visited them in her home, he insisted that I (aged 73) should remove my shoes before entering. I protested that my shoes were dry and clean and although it might be applicable to visiting children, I had never been asked to do that before. He would have none of it, and asserted that this was quite normal practice among friends in his age group. Mary, is this so, and for the future should I protest, refuse or acquiesce?
— P.B., Tadworth, Surrey

A. Many of the young remove their shoes unprompted on arrival at a friend’s home. It is intended to be a flattering gesture, also a quasi-religious one. However, if you feel really indignant about the request, next time take off your shoes long before you reach your son’s new home.