Q. I recently attended an opera on a friend’s estate in Kent. It was a multi-generational, non-ticketed, invitation-only event. The setting was idyllic, but as night drew in and my party looked around for some sort of food van, we realised we hadn’t read the small print on the invitation: ‘Bring your own picnic.’ It was at least a 20-minute drive to the nearest village, which would mean us missing the opening aria, and we looked on in dismay as the older generation produced checked tablecloths, platters of barbecued chicken, sausages, artisan bread and hummus. I hovered near a platter of chicken thighs and stared longingly at it. Its procurer, a benevolent older lady, took pity on me. ‘Do have one,’ she said. Gratefully I took one for me and one for a starving friend. But when a third from my party leant forward to try her luck, she met the wrath of the not-so-benevolent husband: ‘No no no! Paws off! I knew this would happen!’ My friend was so embarrassed she scuttled away, as did I. But was it ungallant of me not to have defended her and challenged the older gentleman at his rudeness?
– A.P.B., London NW10
A. On the contrary, you were right to withdraw even if the husband was ‘rude’. Why should the well-prepared sacrifice their picnic to predation by disorganised youth? It will do you no harm to learn from this episode. Incidentally, all cars should carry Nairn’s oatcakes and squeezy honey for blood-sugar emergencies.
Q. I have a long-standing friend and we are in the habit of walking our dogs together; it’s usually my friend who suggests this. I am a few years younger and like to have a brisk walk with my very active terrier. However, my friend has become quite slow and plodding over time, and what should take an hour has turned into nearly two. It’s a slow saunter with frequent stops to chat. I don’t enjoy it any more and neither does my terrier, but I have run out of excuses to avoid joining her. How can I solve this without hurting the feelings of a loyal friend?
– Name and address withheld
A. Confect a reason – work or other – for why you can now spare only one hour for a walk. One hour should be tolerable.
Q. We have bought a flat in London which needs quite a bit of work. Our daughter-in-law is a decorator and has assumed we will be asking her to do it up. We like her very much but not her taste. Mary, what should we do?
– Name and address withheld
A. Conceal that you are using anyone. Say: ‘Do you know, I think I am going to have a go at doing it myself. Such fun!’
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