Q. A Belgian couple (a baron and baroness, no less) are regular visitors to the Highlands and I have come to regard them as friends. We always visit good restaurants and go Dutch on the bills. Recently, however, they have taken to bringing over two young men who are a couple and neither of them so much as ‘taks their hand across their pockets’, as we say here. As an Aberdonian this grieves me greatly, as my share of the bill has escalated, and I have consequently taken to shying away from meeting my Belgian friends. Mary, how can I resolve this without causing offence?
– M.R., Aberdeen
A. Highlight the injustice by using your local knowledge to conspire in advance with the next restaurant. Arrange that individual bills are issued as though it is their norm. Act surprised when these land but swiftly proffer your own card. The young men will be forced to hand their bills to the Belgians while you shake your head in feigned confusion.
Q. A long time ago I provided a cake for a friend’s party and took along a rather nice bone-handled silver knife to serve it with. After the party the plate was returned but the knife was nowhere to be seen. Having asked after it a couple of times, I gave it up as lost. Helping tidy up at the same friend’s house yesterday, I spotted the beautiful old thing tucked away in the silverware drawer. It appears to have entered her collection. How should I proceed?
– Name and address withheld
A. It was a bit wet of you not to react spontaneously, e.g. ‘Oh thank goodness. There’s my knife. I’ve been looking for it for ages!’ After all, if you know the person well enough to have made them a cake, then surely you know them well enough to reclaim your property. If, however, you sensed mild kleptomania at play, then next time you are there blandly urge them to remind you not to leave without your knife, which you spotted on your last visit, adding: ‘In fact why don’t I just take it now in case we forget?’
Q. May I pass on a storage tip to readers? I have inherited some wonderful vintage woollen blankets with silk trim. I will want these long term but we are renting a small flat and don’t currently have room for them. I have solved this by layering them on to our mattresses, where they are unseen and add warmth and cosiness and a bit of height to our beds.
– E.H., Edinburgh
A. Vintage blankets are invaluable but bulky. They will be safer from moths on the beds. Thank for your sharing this good idea.
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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