Q. How can we get our new unsatisfactory house cleaner to resign? There is a huge demand for cleaners in our neighbourhood (the going rate here is £30 an hour, cash), and it took us months to find her, but we are frustrated by her resistance to our direction. If we ask her to tackle specific areas, or to do specific jobs, she says it’s better for her to judge what needs doing. Incidentally we noted, when she had two weeks off, that we were able to do ourselves, in roughly half the time, what she does for us. We would like to dispense with her services, but she is not bad enough to warrant our sacking her – it’s just the non-compliance that rankles.
– Name withheld, London W8
A. Chattily tell your cleaner that you have booked a session with a highly recommended life coach, which you are looking forward to. Next time she arrives, greet her with the zeal of a convert and present her with a printed list of chores which your life coach says need to be done before you can achieve the realisation of your personal fulfilment. Hand over the list and ask her to place a tick next to each task when she has completed it. Say that your life coach will be updating the list each week. With any luck your cleaner will bridle and refuse to go along with the diktats – and find herself resigning.
Q. I’m recovering from knee surgery which has resulted in me needing to remain immobile for the next two weeks. I probably should be flattered by the amount of kind friends wanting to come round and see me but I find this tiring and, furthermore, people tend to stay for far too long. I wondered if you had any suggestion as to how I could curtail these visits? I feel trapped because I can’t pretend there is something I need to go and do.
– M.N., Northants
A. Ask whoever greets visitors at the door to confide that, despite appearances, you are not as well-recovered as you might look and your doctors require you to have as much rest as possible. As you must not get overtired, they must restrict their visits to 30 minutes, and be firm when you beg them to stay and say how much you’re enjoying seeing them.
Q. How, without appearing to be domineering, do you stop other people from changing your playlist when you are giving a house party? I curate the playlist with care and find these interventions disruptive as they kill the vibe I was going for.
– S.L., London W11
A. Pigeon spikes are underused within the home. Use cable ties to set some up around your equipment so that others simply cannot get access.
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