Q. Everyone I know pretends to have neurodivergence to make themselves seem more unusual and so they can talk about themselves all the time. Is there a polite way of pointing out that this isn’t actually an interesting topic of conversation?
– V.H., Herefordshire
A. You might engage in a ‘bore off’. As soon as your interlocutor announces their diagnosis, retort that you too are quite convinced that you are suffering from a kind of rare condition. Launch into a list of your obscure symptoms. Enjoy letting your imagination roam. Brook no interruption. By the time you have paused to draw breath, they will think twice about resuming the neurodivergence topic in case it ‘triggers’ a flood of your own rival symptoms. Instead they will be ready for the light relief of some general gossip and prepared to let the subject drop.
Q. Every summer we turn off our Aga and use an induction hob, which requires special saucepans. Every summer my husband asks me which are the right saucepans to use on the induction hob and I have to hand them to him. We have been married for 28 years and have lived in the same house all that time. I refuse to tell him again and we have reached a stand-off. Mary, why can’t he learn?
– A.O., Sittingbourne, Kent
A. Many men zone out when their wife’s voice goes on. But if you agree to tell him one last time, on condition that, while you are telling him, he writes the details down on a stiff card to be glued to a cupboard, in this way you will finally drive the information into his head.
Q. I went to dinner in the house of a friend of more than 30 years. The other four guests were friends of a similar vintage. All, apart from me, are high-net-worth individuals who have made a fortune in fashion. When I got home I found €500 missing from my handbag. There is no doubt that the live-in cook, the only other person present, has stolen this money as I had left my bag in the salon while we were having dinner and no one else came into the house. Given that my host is temperamental and would be outraged that I should make such an accusation against someone he has judged to be such a find, what should I do? He would almost rather be robbed himself than admit he might be wrong about her.
– M.d.V., Paris
A. Tell your host that you have been very stupid. While tidying your bag in the salon you placed €500 on the arm of your chair and forgot to put it back. You fear his lovely cook must have found the money and, assuming it to be his, has tidied it away.
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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